Dream – Full story

dreams_don__t_turn_to_dust_by_alexsky0-d3hd56c

 

It was a suspiciously silent night.

Suddenly, I woke up, out of breath and my chest was throbbing violently . There was a tinge of anxiety and fear in my heart as if something bad happened, sweat beads appear on my forehead. Instinctively, I looked around for reason of my condition. Everything is in its designated place, one of the benefit of suffering from OCD. Nothing special can happen in my small room there is not even much space to move around but enough for person living alone. I like it that way. I Swept my hand under the pillow looking for my iPhone, first thing I do habitually after waking up. Screen flashed and filled my face with white light as I pressed the home button. Its 04:00 AM, still two hours of sleep before hitting gym. Joyfully I started adjusting my blanket to make myself comfortable again, rejoicing that I still have time to sleep.

I changed my sleeping posture from log to soldier and adjusted the pillow to keep my head high. “Why I am not able to sleep?”, I asked this question mentally to myself after calculating the approximate time of my insomnia, which is now more than 10 minutes. There’s something wrong, something unusual. Normally I never do such things. My sixth sense start sending distress signal to my brain. I didn’t want to open my eyes but opened anyway as if some invisible force is compelling me to do it. Reluctantly I blinked the eyelids and take off the blanket from my face.

Shiver went through my spine when I saw a shiny human structure staring straight into my eyes from the ceiling. I shook my head instantly and looked away in a swift motion only to find that same person looking at me from the side wall. My heart skipped a beat and I shut my eyes as tight as possible.

Millions of thoughts crossed my scared mind at that instant, mostly focusing on what the hell is happening and how can I survive. That human figure looks familiar, resembles someone, but whom? It may be ghost of any of my deceased ancestor is visiting me or may be some wandering soul who came back from hell to take some revenge. “How can you be so stupid”, I scolded myself simultaneously consoling,” Don’t worry, an afraid mind can be foolishly illogical”. “This situation needs to be handled, you just can’t bury your head in the sand forever like an ostrich hoping it to get over.” little guy inside my head warned me. I decide to pull myself together and start gathering left over courage to confront the situation.

Swiftly, I took off the blanket to face the terror hanging on the ceiling, a common psychological trait to prove our bravery to our self. But I was expecting a moving fan there, all my hopes shattered when I again saw the same figure staring right into my eyes.

This time I didn’t look away. And suddenly realized, it’s not some ghost or spirit, it was my own reflection I am looking at. I looked around and found the same reflection on each wall. I was relieved and relaxed for a moment that I am not gonna die. But the next moment I am again terrified that what was exactly happening. Where am I, and what happened to my room?

The best scenario explanation is that I am in a dream like Alice in wonderland but this is all look so real. I get off from the bed, the floor was as cold as ice and I can see the same reflection there too. I looked back and found that my bed is also gone.

This is definitely a dream or may be I am hallucinating under the influence of the lethal combination of marijuana and red wine I took last night. “Whatever it is, I need to return back to reality”, my claustrophobia kicked in when I realized that I am confined in a giant glass cube with no possibility to escape.

Over the years, I have learned from Hindi cinema that the most common method of testing whether one is in a dream or not is to give a tight slap right on a face or pinching hard on hand. I choose the latter to break the illusion, “How real it may seem, it’s only a dream. Some lame trick pulled up by the subconscious mind”. Ouchh! An acute pain surged through my hand. The little red patch on my hand proves different opinion about the version of reality. No way out, I start observing my surroundings to find a solution to my crisis.

There was a yellowish hue across the edges concentrating on the corners and fading in the middle. “Help! Somebody help, anybody?” I screamed in vain as fear started creeping in but I can only hear echo of my voice. I tried pushing the glass walls but that attempt also went futile.

“You need to calm down, remember what you always believe in- Every problem has a solution. You just need to look harder”, the little guy inside my head emerged again. I stroked my forehead to tranquilize the anxiety attack and started thinking. Suddenly, it struck to me that the image before me is not mimicking my action, I tried a couple of different maneuvers on different surfaces but they all seem to have independent movement of their own as they have their own mind. Then I realized, all these images are not following general laws of physics. They are neither equidistant nor there are infinite images between two parallel mirrors. I cupped my hand on the glass to look beyond the mirror more clearly.

My eyes widen up in surprise. There are infinite different images swarming in the vast space with no horizon. I sat in one corner looking for support as my whole body started shaking violently. I just saw something I cannot even imagine. There are endless streams of images floating in a space all around me. “What exactly are they?”, all my fear is taken over by the sudden urge of curiosity. I looked down on the floor to acquire more information by concentrating on slow moving images one by one. I saw myself in most of them with many other unrecognizable faces. Tears rolled down my cheeks when I saw my long deceased uncle in one image, next second smile appeared on my face when I saw my very old out of contact friend waving at me. I don’t even remember his name.

It dawned on me, that these are not just any other ordinary images. They are my actually my memories.

All my fears washed away instantaneously, excitement filling its place. Like a small kid who found a new toy to play I started moving swiftly to the all sides of the cube to see all my memories. I was thrilled seeing it all. All of my life, my pride, my success, my regrets on everything. I was crying and smiling simultaneously, crashing on the floor exhausted by the overwhelming emotions brimming out of my eyes. The ceiling above me is now shining like a bright sky filled with stars.

“But where is the moon, why can’t I see Her?” I asked myself and started searching for my most desirable memories fanatically all around me. Her memories are no where to be found. I closed my eyes to find her, nothing but darkness.

“You are wasting your energy finding her here.” a little guy again materialized in my head,
“and stop calling me little guy, I am bigger than your grasp and imagination. Who do you think is pulling this show here”.

“OK, I apologize”, I plead to him in effort to make peace. “But please tell me why can’t I embrace her memories when this is only thing I yearn for.”

“Because you locked her up in a box and hid it in the deepest and darkest part of your mind. She is not free; you are suffocating her by holding too tight. You need to free her, so that she can come to you.”

He was right; it’s been 2 years already since I had any kind of interaction with her but never felt that she is away. I contemplated that I am incapable of embracing her memories and it can only bring ache.

“This is a self-inflicted pain that you are experiencing. You are the reason of all your miseries. Let her memories fly like she always wanted, it will bring serenity and peace to you. You must smile to feel the warmth and tenderness of her smile.”

My vision started getting blurred by the tears now filling my eyes. Voices and images started floating in the glass room filling it rapidly. I understood now, I was not imprisoned in that room, it was just that I pushed everything else to make place for her but never had guts to filled it, therefore living in a void space all this time. Glass boundaries started fading and the intensity of the yellowish tinge started increasing creating bright white light. I smiled and close my eyes as I dived into it.

“Hey, Bro. Wake up, it’s too late now. What happened to you?”, my room partner was shaking me violently.

I woke up and in the end found my self shirtless in the balcony of my flat. I asked him, “What exactly happened?”

“I don’t know, You were drinking lots of wine puffing lots of weed shouting that you will end world hunger and save the world from global warming and instantly went into the trance state. I thought you are asleep only to find you here in the morning. You were smiling and blabbering gibberish. Why you do such things?”

“Sometimes the only way to find yourself is to get completely lost.” I peacefully smiled at him and started picking bottles to find the leftovers.

The End

 

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